Archive for the 'humor' Category

02
Oct
07

How ya doing ?! ;)

joey-721633.jpg

How ya doing?! ;)

Anyone who watches Friends must be a big fan of Joey and would be quite familiar with this pick up line. Its Joey’s favorite and as a matter of fact his only pick up line. And you know the best part it always works, almost 95% of the time. But it needs somebody like Joey to pull it off. Just imagine if Maulana Fazal Ur Rehman tries this line on any hottie. The consequences would be so darn funny.

So it’s not the pickup line itself which has all the magic. It’s the guy who utters those lines. Eh? But have you ever wondered why only men feel the need of using a pickup line. I never heard a woman complaining about how difficult is to pick man. They always grumble about how to choose the right guy. In fact how to get Mr. right? That proves the fact that getting a man has never been an issue for post world war women. It’s a guy headache. We need pickup lines, months of homework and money to get the things done. Unlike women they just have to be “themselves”.

You know guys what is our biggest problem when it comes to picking up women or pickup lines in particular. We go with the clichés, the same old formula’s and lines. Every guy in his life and I really mean when I say this that every guy in his life for once, (when ever) went up to a girl. The first words that he uttered were; ‘would you like to be my friend’ and for Pakistani guys it would be ‘Would you like to have friendship with me!’ (or something similar)how stupid is that :P Just imagine how it sounds to a girl who never met or seen you in her entire life is enforced to have “Friendship with you!”. Guys at my school, high school, university committed the same mistake again and again i.e. telling the girl that they wanted to have friendship with her or something equally stoopid . But the message was the same. Few months ago a friend did the most stupid thing on the face of the earth. He went up to a girl and…

Stupid Friend: Excuse me!

Poor Girl: Yes?!

SF: I would like to tell you something in private (as she was with her gang )

PG: No! Just tell me what do you want? (she snapped)

SF who was already confused lost what he called his mind and uttered: You know what a young man wants with a girl :)

PG: WTF? @#$%@#$^$%&%^&$#%#$%$^$%&%^&^&%^&%$^56&%^&%^&

She went on and on for five minutes and my stupid friend was humiliated more then the Pakistani team when they lost to Ireland in WC2007.

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But these kinds of guys are better then the ones who try other ways to get up to a girl. The second kind are real jerks and use means like whistling, hooting, passing some really dim-witted and corney remarks and proudly believe that they are doing some real big favor to the world. I asked one jerk that what the f#$% he was thinking when he passed a nasty remark on that “Gurl”. His reply was;

Jerk: Keeping it real man :D

Yes :P kepping it real stupid!

 

You know when I hit teenage Shahrukh Khan was my role model. Not Quaid-e-Azam Mohammed Ali Jinnah, Gandhi or Dr. Abdul Qadeer but Shahrukh Khan. Why? Because he was so damn good with women (in the movies) that he acted. A real charmer, like they have George Clooney in Hollywood. Not Salman Khan because all he ever did to charm women was stripping. Now we can’t do that in the real world. For instance if I met some hottie at Pizza Hut I wont take shirt off to impress her. But he can :P so the guy that we could (kind of) relate to is Sharukh Khan. Skinny, dark, short but damn is he awesome with women in all the movies.

For example;

1) In Dil wale; Kajol was a serious and obedient daughter that was engaged to a desi guy in India and was about to marry her. But our good old SRK charmed her and won her after some beating. Imagine doing that in the real world :P

2) SRK again in Kuch Kuch hota hai, a single dad dumbed Kajol for Rani before his own marriage was able to lure her on the day when she was getting married. Poor Salman was so depressed that he forgot to take his shirt off to balance things out. Imagine pulling off what SRK did, in the real world :P

3) Madhuri in Dil to Pagal Hai was getting married to her best friend Akshay but SRK like always comes form nowhere and the ending was so predictable. Can you do it? :P

I think they should tell the stupid male audience when the film ends that “Don’t you freaking try this at home :P ” like they tell you in WWE. So don’t try the SRK ways at home, school, college, workplace, streets etc. If SRK was this good in the real life he would not have been married to the same woman for 10 or more years :P hence proved these things dont work in the real world.

So what did we learn today? We learned that picking up women is one of the most difficult tasks on the planet. So if you accidentally or luckily have a lady in your life, then try to stick onto her because you wont like to go on and start from the very beginning, again :P and the single fellas out there when you are flirtng don’t come straight to the point and don’t be stooopid enough to tell the truth. She don’t like to hear what you want, she likes to hear, what she likes to hear :)

02
Sep
07

Its all about making your life…Dess-ent

 

 brige.jpg

 

Shabz: Do you know what’s the new Nazim of Karachi (mayor) has promised?

aMmAr: Hmmm… No

Shabz: To make the city Dess-ent :P

aMmAr: Dess-ent ? :S

Shabz: Yes :)

aMmAr: What does that mean?

Shabz: I tried to look into the dictionary but failed to find the word “Dess-ent”

aMmAr: I am sure he meant decent :P

Shabz: So it took you five minutes to figure that out, you idiot :P But he said all his efforts will be to make Karachi a Dess-ent city.

aMmAr: Ok ..

Shabz: According to him; He will the improve the standard of living and quality of education so that when a karachiite will wakeup in the morning he can tell himself “Man I am living in a dess-ent city.”

aMmAr: Hmm..man; the guy is quite emotional about it … heh :P

Shabz: Yeh! I saw some tears in his eyes when he uttered those words.

aMmAr: Ok..

After few months the new Nazim Mustafa Kamal drilled or hollowed the whole city out. The overly populated city of Karachi faced worst traffic jams as there were hardly any alternative routes available for those exhumed roads. People panicked but the city government ensured that these measures are taken for the construction of new highways, fly over and bridges and above all to make our life style dess-ent.

aMmAr: dude they burrowed the whole city.

Shabz: I know..

aMmAr: How can you start several numbers of projects all at same time.

Shabz: One word my friend… Dess-ent!

aMmAr: Shut the f*** up man…one should name him Mustafa Khudaaal (miner) instead of Mustafa Kamal.

Shabz: Dess-ent!!

aMmAr: Yeah whatever…

Within two years to everyone’s surprise the city government actually was able to complete majority of the projects on time. But as we all know that every week 3oo cars contribute to the city’s traffic. So the traffic jam situation became worse then ever. But some people were very happy of the city government. Like my friend O. I would like to inform you that O is a Behari and Beharis in Karachi distinctively contribute a lot to the Jokes and Gag industry like Pathaans, Sardars and Memons (Gujrati). Yes we humans are racists and love to make racial comments. But that’s not the point here; the point is that O can’t get over the fact that he is a Behari like any other Behari in Karachi. How typical :P

O: man you know what!?

aMmAr: Now what?!

O: You know the Nazim Mustafa Kamal.

aMmAr: Yes..

O: he is a Behari aswell :) [..He uttered those words very proudly]

aMmAr: So?

Shabz: So that includes another great Behari in the long list.

aMmAr: Get over it Obaid. The list is too small in comparison with my great UP (Utter Pradesh) list. [My parents are from UP]

O: Shut the f*** up. I have Laloo Parsaad, Shehker Suman, Manoj Bajpai, The Buddha and George Orwell.

aMmAr: George Orwell was an English man and I am not having this conversation again.

O: go check out wikipedia man he was born in Behar :P

aMmAr: Screw you and your list. You know who the greatest Behari of all time is.

O: Mrs. Laloo Parsaad ?!

aMmAr: Wrong answer. The correct answer is ‘I don’t give a shit :P

As the elections are getting near the city government is trying to strengthen its popularity among the people and by starting new projects all over the city once again. But this time things are getting a little too difficult.

The other day when I was surfing on the internet; all of a sudden a network unplugged sign appeared on my screen. I called my cable guy to enquire what the hell just happened and he told me that the authorities are planning to construct something and they literally chopped of all the poles from the ground. As result the fiber cable (rest in peace) is lying on the road like a poor Iraqi and I am trying to collect it asap.

I called shabz to inquire if he was facing the same problem…

aMmAr: dude they chopped off my cable.

Shabz: Who?

aMmAr: the authority. The whole area is like Afghanistan.

Shabz Dess-ent

aMmAr: No internet man :@ I’ll die

Shabz: Dess-ent

This morning my poor cousins crash into our house, because the authorities chopped their electrical poles off as well and there won’t be any electricity for another day. Remind you they live in a highly secured and comparatively sophisticated area ie ASKARI-IV. Not to forget the bridge that collapsed yesterday. I know the city govt. is trying to make our life decent but in order to make one thing better tearing down the rest of the infrastructure is not understandable. One can only hope that things don’t get any worse in the near future. As in the past we have seen that it rains rite after they drill something up




R O N I N

A web-blog by another wanna be writer who thinks he can write

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