Archive for March, 2007

31
Mar
07

Might is F***-ing right

Let’s talk about something controversial, let’s talk about the UK sailor dispute.

Q) The one they were whining about on the BBC?

Ans: Yes, the one they like to whine about on the TV news all the time.

Q) Are the Iranians torturing those poor souls to death?

Ans: No, apparently they are in a good shape. Feeding them well, providing them with clothes and basic necessities.

Q) Equivalent to the prisoners being held at Abu-Garib.

Ans: Hell no. Prisoners in that jail were having all the kinky fun. I think Mozlemz won’t allow that to happen under their roof.

Q) Oh… how boring? Hehehe
Ans: Yes, Indeed.

Q) I heard; the Lady sailor was forced to wear a scarf on her head. Was she? How preposterous!!

Ans: Couldn’t agree more dear. I wonder what Jack Straw has to say on this.

Q) He must be outraged as well. But I was wondering what on earth British Navy was doing in Iranian sea?

Ans) Well, some say that it wasn’t Iranian sea but Iraqi sea.

Q) What they were doing on Iraqi sea?

Ans: Guarding it you brainless, what else do you think.

Q) Pardon me old friend. But what made Iranians believe that we’ll do any harm to them?

Ans: Well I don’t know. They think that USA and allies are gathering around Iran to attack the damn country. Huh! Those suspicious freaks 😛

Q) Are they? What if they are correct? What if they are planning something?

Ans: Why on earth than you are putting all these stupid questions to me. Who am I Oracle from the movie ‘The Matrix’ or Annaconda Lisa Rice.

Q) Anna Conda Lisa Rice??! Hahaha good one 😀

Ans: Yeah I know.

Q) So what is the latest progress?

Ans) Well, the bloody Iranians are forcing them to write political letters; trying to make USA and Allies look bad in front of the world.

Q) As in that ever worked?

Ans: Exactly 😛

Q) So what is going to come from all this bedlam?

Ans: Remember what happened to Lebanon, when Hezbollah captured two Israeli soldiers.

Q) Yeah. By the way, what happen to them?

Ans: God knows better.

Q) Are we gradually heading towards the third world war?

Ans: Now that’s my friend is the ultimate question. My answer to you is; might is bloody right. The thing is in the real world, the bad guy always gets away with almost everything. In the real world the bad guy never looses 🙂

31
Mar
07

Techno Threat # 2

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25
Mar
07

Where did you sleep last night ??????

 

 

I had a very rough week. I was sick and spend almost the whole week lying on my by bed and staring the cracks on the ceiling of my room. I dunno about anybody else but when I am sick I am the most unpleasent and uncool person. It’s the ‘me’ I hate, It’s the ‘me’ I can’t stand, It’s the ‘me’ that freaks everbody out includng me 😛 I am probably in the recovery phase now but I am still unpleasant and uncool. I have no control over myself or my life rite now and it sucks.

 

My head is spinning like a balloon half filled with water and Penadol is not helping me. Maybe listening to Kurt might help.

23
Mar
07

‘The Crown and the Platter’ by Shahbaz Sheikh

          

  All believer men and women of Mecca, hail the emperor of the new unified and holy Muslim Empire, King Yazid.’

            The above trumpets were being blown around Mecca in those days. Why? Because the battle of
Karbala had ended, with God bringing out Yazid and his twisted accomplices victorious. Because God had abandoned his followers in the desert and left them to be cut by swords, pierced by spears and trampled be horses. Because God had arranged tyranny to run free in the Muslim world. Because God had made sure that His true believers were put in the dark and belief sapping dungeons of agony. Because it was God’s will that the head of the devoted servant be put on the platter, and it was God’s will that the head of the cruel and disobedient be put under a crown. So a skeptic has to ask…. what kind of a God is this?

The answer to this question lies in the realization of the fact, that the world is not a place of rewards and retributions. It is not a place of gains and losses. It is a place of test. It is a place of resolve, of decision. And the holy Imam decided to have his head on the platter, so that the coming Muslims have an example of how to act in the face of deadly adversary. So that they know what is to be chosen in the dilemma between principles and mundane gear. And so that they know that trading in their belief, that “God shall compensate all”, with a Christ made of silver and gold, is the way of indifference, is the way of treason and is the way of the Yazids of this world.

 

Therefore we must not have pride, we must not be arrogant and we must not grope for blood stained riches, even if it brings us kingship. Why? Because Yazid did so.

 

And we must abide our principles, be true our values, and strive for justice, even if it kills us. Why? Because the holy Imam did so.

23
Mar
07

Announcement

Can we judge the quality of a blog by the number of hits it gets in a day. I don’t think so, have something which is NSFW and then you will be the next best thing on the worl wide web. As far as my views point is concerned I alwayz like thinkers to be the part of  R O N I N and by the grace of Allah Almighty  ive been very lucky that not only National but International writers have been a part of this blog by commenting on it.

I still recall when I began to share my work to WWW readers. It was no blog but a small news letter kinna thngy. I named it SHIT TALKIES 😛   …… surprisngly it was a huge success. Our High School administration later forced us to get it off the web due to their sencor policies but the team I was able to gather at that time had really good writers. Ayaz Ahmed Khan, Obaid Rehmani, myself and Shahbaz Sheikh.        

A week ago Shahbaz Sheikh  asked me if he could be a guest writer of this small blog of mine and I was more than happy to have him on board. He is a telecom student like me, we live in the same neighborhood and he hates OPERA lollz.. For those who know him personally are a big fan of his talents.I hope you like his post.

Thankyou,

aMmaR 

21
Mar
07

I feel good, I knew that I would…..

 

[Message to the readers: I want my regular readers that are not many, to read this story and don’t give up on reading because its too long. I know its long but i assure you that its very exciting and worth every second you will spend reading it. Other than that if there is something in this tale you find offensive or explicit than I appologize before hand. Thank you very much and ill be waiting for your feedback.

 

Disclaimer: All the characters, names and situatuons are fictatious and any similarity would be purely coincidental. have a nice day 🙂 ] 

 

—————————————————————————————-

 

 The story starts in a class room of a local university……

 

 

‘Are we done for the day?’ my first aggravated question of the day.

‘Is it time?’ responded my engineering management teacher. 

‘Ofcourse it is. In fact you took the 10 minutes break we have for the next class’  

What?’ inquired Uzair with what the f*** expression.

 

[Uzair, a good friend of mine; looks like a boxer but plays awesome cricket. He also happens to be our class representative]

 

‘Wasn’t I talking to myself?’ I asked him a confused question.

‘Yes you were and by using your vocal chords as an amplifer !’ replied Shabz

[ Shabz aka Shahbaz, another friend who likes to answer every question not directed to him]

‘You are lucky that he is on the cell.’ Uzair informed me of my apparent good luck

 

 

Me: ‘Who would like to talk to him?

Shabz: ‘Most probably; his wife’ 

Uzair: ‘Poor soul, heh ‘ 

Me: ‘So what’s the plan for the day?’ 

Shabz: ‘Same ol’ boring broadband : P what else?!’ 

 Uzair the CR: ‘Well my boy this is your lucky day as apparently its raining in the rest part of the city and the teacher wont be able to make it for the day.’

 Me: ‘Bloody traffic jam’, I responded with an exciting grin on my face. Its my way saying one thing and meaning completely apposite. 

Shabz: ‘Thank you Mr. CR : P ’ 

Me: ‘Jam Jam Pakistan.’

 

 

[‘dil dil Pakistan Jan Jan Pakistan’ is an all time hit pop song and not to forget patriotic from an old band Vital Signs. My version is called Jam Jam Pakistan, traffic jam ie]

When I got out of the class I couldn’t believe what my eyes were looking at. The day surprisingly turned out to be very beautiful. The whole sky was covered with dark clouds and the cold breeze was turning my romantic side on for good. I was singing James Brown’s ‘I feel good …’ 

Shabz: ‘Coffee time!’

Me: ‘No thanks; you guys have some ill catch up with you folks later.’ Were to go bazell? I asked myself. 

[Bazell is just an uncool madeup name. I call myself Bazell when talking to myself]

I was climbing the steps that lead to the roof of my departments building, that I saw Zara on the second floor sitting on a bench. 

[She’s a junior, a nice friend. Popular among guys cuz of her looks and have a boyfriend Kareem. Kareem is a fat irritated guy and the only one of the few guys who wears a moustache in our University. Not to forget he is very uncomfortable for some obvious reasons when I am around Zara. I take advantage of the situation and stick around more to make him jealous.]

Me: Hi wasap 

Zara: ‘Hello aMmAr’, she smiled =) 

Me: ‘Where is your bodyguard?’ I looked around after completing my sentence.

Zara: ‘Heh, shut up he is not my body guard.’ She replied in a very pleasant manner.

Me: ‘Nah of course he’s not in fact he is a very sweet guy: P’ I mocked him behind his back. I enjoy doing that. 

Zara: ‘Any doubts?she inquired with a smile. 

Me: ‘No its just looks could be deceptive: P’, I indirectly pointed out his moustache, uneven looks and the weird smile he wears on his face all the time.   

Zara: ‘Heh. Shut it Ammar.’ She giggled on my tease.

What a wonderful day and look at us stuck here in this part of the world that really sucks.I continued. 

Zara: ‘So you guys should go out and have some fun.

Me: ‘Guys? Zara that’s the gayest idea you have ever given to me.’ I replied with a cynical face. 

‘Look at the sky it’s so romantic out here and you are suggesting me to hang out with guys.I went on with my tale.

Zara: ‘Okay okay so go out and enjoy with your girl friend.’  

Me: ‘Girl friend hmmm not a bad idea but there is lil problem, it’s just I wanted to have fun. And secondly she died few days ago.’  

Zara: ‘What? How come?’, she was completely shocked and was looking at me with her disbelieving eyes. 

‘I dunno, it was on the news that somebody pushed her in front of the bus.’ I replied with a straight face. 

Zara: ‘What?’, she asked and was about to gag on this one.

Me: ‘Haha… I was just kidding. She’s out of the town.’

Zara: ‘Okay’, a relieved reply from her

Me: ‘Adios’, I departed

I took full advantage of the non sunny day and played some exciting football. Too bad I missed some chances to goal but what the hell we Pakistani suck at any sport we play, we are only good at not being good at anything and that includes football. I was feeling thirsty and therefore decided to get a drink. On the cafeteria door step a bunch of bullies were standing in a circle and in the middle some guy was telling ‘em some shaggy dog story. They were lauging their heart out on that one. That guy was none other than faggy. 

[Faggy, who is formally known as Fahad Ferzand Khan aka Fraddy. But I preferred calling him Fag-gie the fag lord. He is straight alright but I love picking on him. Some thing he despise a lot. Faggies parent came from Peshawar to Karachi 10 years ago and run a big transportation business here.]

 

Me: Faggy ma boy?

Faggie: ‘Dude! Don’t call me that please and especially not in front my dudes.’ 

[Faggie is considered to be the know it all kind of a guy and very much respected in his gang for some strange reason.]

Me: ‘So why are these guys surrounding you. You are not showing your special belly dance or are you?’ 

Faggie: ‘Ammar Bhai plzzz ;(…’ , he looked at me with pleading eyes. 

Me:’Okay okay. Hey have you seen shabz?’

Faggie: ‘Yeah I saw him going to the library.’

Me: ‘And obee 1 kanobi ?’ 

[obee 1 kanobi is obaid he is like a Jedaai and have an answer for anything like google.]

Faggie: ‘General lab.’

Me in a mocking manner: ‘Oaye hoay!. Faggy stop being such fag-tard and quit stocking guys. Haha’ 

All of his gang joined me laughing at him. Every one except of Faggie had a great laugh for five minutes or so on this one.  On my way to the library I met Sania.  [The cute nerdy girl who gets straight A’s in the class a good friend as well. She’s all intelligent but confused and I enjoy teasing her as well. How evil of me]  

Me:Hello =)

Sania: Hii ?? it was her answer but sounded like a question to me

Me: ‘How you doing? ;)’, my Joey way of saying stuff. 

Sania: Im guud…. How abtya? 

Me: Not bad. Hey I want to ask you something?,  I was upto no good and decided to scare her a little. 

Sania:’Well no.’ a surprisingly unexpected reply to the question I didn’t asked yet. 

Me:I haven’t ask anything yet. 

Sania: ‘I know whatchya gonna ask.’ How on earth she knows? Is she psychic?  

Me:Are you Oracle from Matrix? 

‘No idiot. I haven’t done the routing assignment yet. Okay, I have been telling that to the whole nation for the past 2 hours. You are the 10th one to ask.’ She replied 

Me:’Did I say anything about the assignment: P  

‘Come to think of it….. no =)’, she mouthed 

Sania: ‘So what you want to ask?’ 

Me: Can I flirt with you?, I said it with all the confidence in the world. I am a good actor.

[Can I flirt with you; my all time favorite pick up line never fails.]

What?,  she was looking at me with disbelief. 

Yeah…harmless flirting that is it. Well?,  It was so much fun teasing her. 

Sania ‘Aaaah…aaah’,  the cat caught her tongue. 

Me:‘Ha ha ha kidding 😛 stoopid you are a virgo.’ 

Good. Here comes the library. She replied with a sign of relief in her voice and on her face

Can you find me radar and navigation’s reference book? She reqested. 

Me: ‘Sure..’

 

 

The engineering section was very secluded and needed a proper dusting because some of the books were covered with spider web. I took out one book; that appeared to be relevant from the shelf.  As my eyes were fixed on the shelf when I was removing the book from the ledge my eyes met hers. I gave a smile and surprisingly she replied with a grin. 

 [her: I guess she was new never saw her in the University before. She was a hawtie and not some stupid blonde hottie the one with a brain(rare specie, that expalined her presence in the library) my favorite.]  

She was wearing a beautiful fragrance. I used it as a pickup line and tried to guess the perfume. I was nothing close to the correct answer, what the hell I was thinking I am no Al-Pacino from ‘Scent of a Woman’. But I didn’t give up on her and gave her an offer she couldn’t refuse.

 Do we know each other?” she inquired


Me: “Why, do you think we’re going to? Because I already know an awful lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn’t possibly meet anyone else.”

“Well, if anyone goes on the critical list, let me know.” And she smiled 

Me: “Wow is that real?” 

She asked: What?  Me: The smile on your face, It’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Hehe. She continued to smile 

She asked :”You came to this section of the library to see me, didn’t you?” 

Me: “What if it wasn’t you I came here to see?”

5 seconds of pause 

Well, you got lucky”  she mouthed 

I smiled =) 

 I leaned in, turned my head slightly and placed a kiss on her lips. 

Shabz:’Oye here you are. What are you doing?’ 

Me:I’m trying to find a book here.  ‘No,  you were checking out that hot chic’. He expclaimed 

[actually he was right I was staring the girl and she was staring me back sort of 😛 but I could have gone upto her but I missed my chance to dancei was to busy naking up a plan.] 

Me:’Can you be any more loud :P’

 [he was very loud and clear. This stupid act made her leave. Well that’s what I told shabz]

‘Godammit now shes gone.’ I gave a disappointed gesture 

Shabz:What’s wrong with you, we have a quiz in the next class and  we are getting late for it  and yeah, stop teasing faggy he was very furious.lollz

Me: lolzz 😀

And both of us came out of the library closing the door right behind us.

19
Mar
07

Series of Unfortunate events

19_sp_cricket_woolmer_4.jpg

 Name:    Robert Andrew Woolmer aka Bob 

 Age: the counting stopped at 58

Nationality: English 

Claim to fame: His tragic death on the World Cup-07 tour

Pakistani cricket team faced another blow when their coach was found unconscious in his hotel room. He was rushed to the hospital where it was later confiemed that he had died. Woolmer who was born in Kanpur, India was an English test cricketer. His all round performance includes a hatrick in the first calss and his all time famous slowest centuary for England against the Aussies.

He was appointed coach of South Africa in 1994. In the next five years, South Africa would win most of their test (5 out of 10 series) and One-day International matches (73%). However, the side failed narrowly in their bid to make the final of the 1999 World Cup, and Woolmer resigned.

He was appointed coach of the Pakistan team in 2005.  Under his coaching Pakistani cricket saw its ups and downs. Despite the famous win against India in India the team failed to capatilize the experience and talent of the great coach. I personally saw him coaching when the team was playing against the windies in Karachi and was wondering  when Uncle Bob work so hard with the team than why ‘ The Boyzz’ are such lazy asses. The team deeply dissappointed him and the nation in the last match against the underdawgss Irish team.  May his soul rest in peace and as far as Pakistani cricket is concerned we are going through a big crisis But as the chineese proverb goes ‘Every crisis holds an opportunity’ and I hope this crisis just might serve as an opportunity for this cricket loving nation.




R O N I N

A web-blog by another wanna be writer who thinks he can write

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