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B-B-B-B-Bad to the bone, Mahmud Ahmedinijad

I am a big fan of bond movies. The bond movies gave the filmi world and the media many things. Bond movies have astonishing sport cars, aesthetically tailored suits, leading ladies with long legs and short dialogues. These materialistic items had such a deep impact on the viewers that achieving them became the criterion for success. Movie makers of that time came up with scripts containing similar characters and we were made to believe that a cleaned shaven and well build guy in the BMW is the good guy and the one with the scar is the bad guy.

We still watch and accept as true the new generation of make believe characters. If we look at this generation of action movies the villain has to be a Muslim. Especially the French and the Bollywood writers make sure to give the bad guy some Muslim background. Maybe all the bad guys in their countries are actually Muslims. In Pakistan they are all Muslims; politicians, robbers, religious fanatics all of them 😛

But I am not discussing movies today. I am speaking about the real life make believe characters. Now for example look at make believe good guy character. Head of a Muslim state, dictator, highly unpopular, US ally. Now how many guys fall in this category; Gen. Pervaiz Musharaf, Husni Mubarak, Saudi Kings, King Abdullah of Jordan. So these people are not villains but good guys. Obviously not heroes 😛 but friends of the hero. Like in Amitabh Bachans 80’s films; there use to be this nice Muslim guy who was not the hero himself but the friend of the hero and who gets killed in the end for being so freaking nice 😛

So who’s the bad guy?

Mahmud Ahmedinijad

Why?

He kind of denies holocaust and want the whole issue to be re-researched.

You cant research on Holocaust?

No

Why?

It is already very well documented. There are Holocaust survivors and scholars who have documented thousands of research material and its enough.

Hmm.. so what he has to say about that?

According to him and I quote, Can you argue that researching a phenomenon is finished, forever done? Can we close the books for good on a historical event?

There are different perspectives that come to light after every research is done. Why should we stop research at all? Why should we stop the progress of science and knowledge?

You shouldn’t ask me why I’m asking questions. You should ask yourselves why you think that that’s questionable. Why do you want to stop the progress of science and research?

Do you ever take what’s known as absolute in physics? We had principles in mathematics that were granted to be absolute in mathematics for over 800 years. But new science has gotten rid of those absolutisms, come forward other different logics of looking at mathematics and sort of turned the way we look at it as a science altogether after 800 years.

So, we must allow researchers, scholars, they investigate into everything, every phenomenon — God, universe, human beings, history and civilization.

What else makes him so bad?

You know the Islamic laws forces the women in Iran to wear a hijab or scarf of some kind. That is limiting their freedom. Women should have some respect and freedom in Islamic governments.

Like they should be free to work at strip clubs like in Europe and America?

Why not?

I have heard that they don’t allow the Muslim girls to wear scarves in French schools?

Yes its against their law.

So you have a problem if the women are forced to follow the laws in Iran but laws in France?

Ahhh…..

What else makes him so evil and rogue?

His Govt. is funding terrorism in Iraq and wants to have total control over the country.

Like the American troops?

No, they just came to help and to get rid of the dictator

The dictator who was once an important ally to US?

He was a good guy back than.

Says who?

The guy who reads the news.

What do you think is his real agenda?

The destructions of Israel and peace from the world, but I tell you the UN and the civilized world will do everything to stop them.

Like destroying them instead?

Why not!

The UNO and your civilized world will stop IRAN like they stopped USA from attacking Iraq and Afghanistan?

Saddam had WMD’s

Oh really?

10 more minutes to wait…

I looked at the watch and it showed that there was another hour and a half left in the Iftari. It was my schools friend engagement cum Iftar party and I was sitting in her TV lounge along with some old friends. I needed anything to keep my mind off the food and who else can help me then my good old pal the Television 🙂

 

It was Alim Online that was on GEO TV, some people believe that it’s a religious program but I differ. As customary the host Amir Liaqat  was wearing some visible make up on his face along with some talent less designer shalwar qameez.

 

aMmAr: Is that a see through qameez this sham is wearing?

 

Fahad: Heh. Yeah!

 

aMmAr: Horrible dress mate 😛 with all the golden flowers on the qameez. Even some one like Reema (Pakistani actress) won’t wear something this awful.

 

Fahad: Heh. Yeah!

 

aMmAr: what is that black thing inside that qameez?

 

Danish: Looks like a men’s bra to me. Lolz 😀

 

Fahad: ROFL! Yeah! 😀

 

Zubair: Bra or Bro. Lolz 😀 😀

 

aMmAr: Ok enough! Roza hai yar (we are fasting guys). Change the channel, in fact give me that thing (remote control).

 

I started surfing through the channels. Switching from one Pakistani channel to another, every channel was screening some damn cooking show. I tapped my wrist watch twice but the time was not speeding up at all. Another hour to go and I was starving to death.

 

aMmAr: can we watch some music channel.

 

Danish: No! whats wrong with the cooking shows.

 

aMmAr: I want to take my mind off the food.

 

Zubair: Can’t you control your self?

 

aMmAr: Hmmm.. No

 

Where ever I stopped the channel was showing women dancing. The adds, music vdos, films, soaps, even the T-20 match. Of course there is nothing wrong in that. I mean I don’t have any problem.

 

aMmAr: guys I wonder are the spectators there to watch the dancing ladies or the match.

 

Fahad: Depends, if the spectators are Pakistanis then surely not the match.

 

After an hour came the occasion we all, especially I was waiting for. The iftaaaaaaar!! Man I am hungry or what I told myself.

 

After saying the prayer everyone started eating and drinking the delicious items on the menu. Except me;

 

Sweet Aunty: Beta eat something

 

aMmAr: Yes aunty I will don’t worry.

 

Sweet Aunty: you aren’t even touching the food items. You aren’t shy or are you?

 

aMmAr: Shy!? No way I am just waiting…

 

Sweet Aunty: waiting? For what?

 

By now I noticed most of the guests were wondering the same; why wasn’t I eating anything likes the rest. I decided to come out of the closet and tell them what they might not enjoy listening.

 

aMmAr: Aunty I am Shia. It’s not my time yet 🙂 I have to wait another10 mins or more.

 

As soon as I completed my sentence the whole hall was wrapped into pin drop silence. Some open jaws were lying all over the floor. To be exact every one was looking at me. For those who missed the big news were asking others and making weird noises after learning about the new revelation.

 

Sweet Aunty: No problem beta, but don’t you forget to eat okay.

 

aMmAr: sure thing aunty 🙂

 

I find the whole incident quite funny when I think about it. I don’t know if anyone will find this incident equally interesting but those who can relate to me will and have a bunch of their own interesting iftaar tales to tell.

A bad hair day eh?

 

Mom: What is that thing?

aMmAr: That thing is Lasith Malinga. He plays for the Srilankan cricket team.

Mom: Ok-ay…but what is that thing on his head?

aMmAr: Well there is a very long story behind that hair duo, but people say that once upon a time he was making pop corns in his kitchen and the next thing you know he is this thing.

Mom: That’s why you should never allow kids near Michele Jackson and pop corn machines.

But jokes apart I am very contented on the Pakistani team win against the ‘Lankans. The Lady luck was on our side this time for a change. Damn we needed something to cheer about. Murders, accidents, terrorist attacks the whole country is mystified and down in the dumps. Maybe cricket will bring some contentment on the faces of the poor inhabitants of the country.

Cricket has always been the connecting factor for us. Pakistanis from unlike sect, political view point, classes join in and cheer for their national team. We are very critical of our team. We are forever ready to crucify our national heroes on their awful performances. But similarly we do identify the talent and position of a particular cricketer and give them their due place as well. We don’t over do it like the Indians, for example they still want Ganguly to lead the team. I mean come on its not 1997, give YUVA (younger) generation some chance. But then It’s not my team so I better keep my jaws shut 😛

Coming back to the T20 World Cup it’s a very long way to go. Pakistan has to play against the Aussies and to defeat them is quite impracticable but hey you never know. Maybe the Ramadan charm might work this time as well.

But technically speaking we definitely need to change our batting order. Misbah should be brought up the order. Kamran should open and Afridi should be given the one down position. I know nobody in South Africa is reading this post but does that ever stopped any one in this region from giving his/her expert opinion? The answer is NO 😛

I now pronounce you Ben & Mush

 

I know i will sound so Bollywood but here it goes……..

• Babul Ki Duaaeye leti jaaa……..
• Shadmaaani ho Shadmaaani ……….
• 
  
• Chal deal karey geeeeeeeeeee………….haaanji haaanji 😀

 

Hamaaraa kyaa hai….. by Mohsin Naqvi

hamaaraa kyaa hai ke ham to chiraaG-e-shab kii tarah

agar jale bhii to bas itnii raushanii hogii

ke jaise tund andhero.n kii raah mein, jugnuu

zaraa sii der ko chamake chamak ke kho jaa.yen

phir is ke baad kisii ko na kuchh sujhaa_ii de

na shab kaTe na suraaG-e-sahar dikhaa_ii de

Am I a racist??

You know you are a racist?

I am a what?

A fucking racist!!

Thank god I thought you just alleged me of being a rapist 😀

That wasn’t funny at all… like your other posts that fall under the category of Humor. There is nothing intellectual about them, you ridicule other races to create humor out of it and it’s not funny. You have no right to say something to a certain community without doing any prior research.

Damn! This came straight from the heart eh? Well for the past many months I have been accused of racism. Some offended readers have been suggestive but the rest were extremely critical. Now why should I care what other people say? I just attacked the race that they belong to; I didn’t attacked anybody’s temples, churches or mosque. There are people out there who attack countries and easily get away with it. The other day some freak blew himself up in public (D.I. KHAN, Pakistan) and got many innocent killed. Try and get that attacker 😛

Why people even argue on this issue. I think every one and I mean everyone is a racist to a certain extent. Of course majority of us don’t wake up in the morning and promise ourselves that we will abuse the apposite race or hit the first guy we see on the street with our car, that belongs to a different race. But do we let any chance go, when it comes to blame the apposite community or race and making fun of them. For example when we see a Bengali person on the street we look down on them and utter; ‘there goes an illegal immigrant 😛’ but many of us wont mind if we are even illegally transported to the US or any other big shot country.

Similarly the people in Sindh blame the people in Punjab for everything. No electricity; ‘the people in Punjab are taking away our electricity’; somebody tell them you are the one apposing the Kalabagh Dam. Even I use to think that People in Punjab hate us and are ripping us off. But than I realized it’s just the Sharif brothers then and Choudary brothers now. Other than that my confusion was further cleared when I met couple of nice fellas from Lahore and they told me that they just not hate us. Not because we are not worthy of the honor but because they are further racially divided into several cast and races. For example the Gujjers hates the Arais, the Butts complain about the Jutts, than there are Choudries, Niazies, Maliks and the list goes on.

As we move further up on the map we have pissed of Pathaans that just hate the fact that nobody takes them seriously and they are equally intelligent and talented; yeh rite! Lolz 😀 Similarly the Baluachis feel most neglected and ignored. They register their protest by blowing up the gas piplines, a very close friend of mine Soomro from Quetta revealed a very interesting fact to me that most of the pipelines are blown on Saturday nights. How funny is that? 🙂

So are we the only racist country on the face of the earth? Of course not everyone is racist to some level. We all remember what happened to Miss (all of a sudden famous) Shilpa Shetty in Big Brother. The Britz are still covering up by giving Shilpa some undeserve importance. Even in India the North Indians have something to say about the south Indians and vice versa. In America the niggers I mean African Americans get offended now and then.

I asked my father who does not believe in racism at all, that why and since when are we like this. He told me that back in the seventies we were not racist at all. The country was not even divided into the fundamentalists and enlightened Pakistanis. In fact there were two types of people that existed ie Bhutto and everyone that hated Bhutto. In other words Bhutto lovers and haters but than came this son of a bitch general by the name Zia ul Haq and hence we are still facing the repercussions.

Racism exists practically in all countries, but in certain places and situations it is especially common. Some of the very common reasons for racism to arise are fear or the need for a “scapegoat”. If things are going badly many people’s natural reaction is to blame somebody else. This is exactly what often causes racism, if the unemployment is rising or the national economy is very weak, many people will look for a scapegoat to blame, and in most cases they will choose the people that they do not know, such as those with a different ethnical or cultural background. As for me; being a racist blogger will not help my popularity level. So I should accept the fact that I am not funny at all and cracking racist jokes won’t increase my readership or the number of hits. I need to add some porn or some NSFW items to serve the purpose.

Chris Rock doing the stuff he do the best, the topic ‘Racism’

 

Ripley’s believe it or not…

• Pakistan actually claims to be a democratic country. Set of rules are prescribed on some document which worth’s less than a cheap condom; by the way they call it constitution 😛

• In Pakistan any army officer can have whichever civilian position even if they are reserved for civilians only. But of course the same rule does not apply the other way around.

• Pakistan’s foreign, internal, educational, you name it – any policy is determined by USA, SAUDIA ARABIA, UK, etc but never and I mean never by the people of Pakistan.

• We have law ministry but no law, we have foreign ministry but no foreign policy, we have schools but no education. We have bus stands but buses never ever stops there. The list goes on…

• Osama Bin Laden who use to work for USA in the 80’s like SADDAM HUSSEIN and now is in 50% partnership with the country is not in Pakistan. You know why? He feels insecure of the ongoing terrorist attacks in Pakistan.

Shoaib the Infamous

It’s quite interesting that there are certain issues and people that when are brought up in public get immediate reactions. For instance if someone comes up with the name of ;

Bush; the immediate reaction of the general public would be what an ass-hole!

Himesh Reshamya; my ears are hurting 😛

Paris Hilton; what a slut!

Shoaib Akhter: Now what ?! or What has he done this time?

Yes the infamous and in my point of view a bit unlucky Shoaib Akhter is making headlines again and if anyone would have predicted, this incident has hardly anything to do with cricket as well. Shoaib was found guilty of beating up his fellow pacer Muhammed Asif with a bat and left a bruise on his thigh.

“I’m human and made a mistake in the heat of the moment,” Shoaib told Indian news TV channel NDTV. “Asif said something to me that made me lose my temper. I apologized to him, but I was very upset. “I’m feeling bad that two minutes of temper have ruined my comeback. Sometime you do things in a fit of temper. I will explain the situation to everyone and apologies. I will try and make it back for the series against South Africa next month.”

My question is why man? Why? How can you do something like this to your fans and above all to yourself?

My personal opinion is that the guy is cursed. His life is surrounded by controversies. I am sure that if he was present in the last world cup. He would have conveniently blamed for Bob Woolmer’s death and would have been spending his last days in some West Indian prison. But than Bob Woolmer was never killed, some stupid doctor sensationalized the autopsy result.

I am afraid this looks like an end to Shoaibs career and we will always remember him as a bowler with plenty of talent and speed but paucity of professionalism. How unfortunate 😦

Its all about making your life…Dess-ent

 

 

 

Shabz: Do you know what’s the new Nazim of Karachi (mayor) has promised?

aMmAr: Hmmm… No

Shabz: To make the city Dess-ent 😛

aMmAr: Dess-ent ? :S

Shabz: Yes 🙂

aMmAr: What does that mean?

Shabz: I tried to look into the dictionary but failed to find the word “Dess-ent”

aMmAr: I am sure he meant decent 😛

Shabz: So it took you five minutes to figure that out, you idiot 😛 But he said all his efforts will be to make Karachi a Dess-ent city.

aMmAr: Ok ..

Shabz: According to him; He will the improve the standard of living and quality of education so that when a karachiite will wakeup in the morning he can tell himself “Man I am living in a dess-ent city.”

aMmAr: Hmm..man; the guy is quite emotional about it … heh 😛

Shabz: Yeh! I saw some tears in his eyes when he uttered those words.

aMmAr: Ok..

After few months the new Nazim Mustafa Kamal drilled or hollowed the whole city out. The overly populated city of Karachi faced worst traffic jams as there were hardly any alternative routes available for those exhumed roads. People panicked but the city government ensured that these measures are taken for the construction of new highways, fly over and bridges and above all to make our life style dess-ent.

aMmAr: dude they burrowed the whole city.

Shabz: I know..

aMmAr: How can you start several numbers of projects all at same time.

Shabz: One word my friend… Dess-ent!

aMmAr: Shut the f*** up man…one should name him Mustafa Khudaaal (miner) instead of Mustafa Kamal.

Shabz: Dess-ent!!

aMmAr: Yeah whatever…

Within two years to everyone’s surprise the city government actually was able to complete majority of the projects on time. But as we all know that every week 3oo cars contribute to the city’s traffic. So the traffic jam situation became worse then ever. But some people were very happy of the city government. Like my friend O. I would like to inform you that O is a Behari and Beharis in Karachi distinctively contribute a lot to the Jokes and Gag industry like Pathaans, Sardars and Memons (Gujrati). Yes we humans are racists and love to make racial comments. But that’s not the point here; the point is that O can’t get over the fact that he is a Behari like any other Behari in Karachi. How typical 😛

O: man you know what!?

aMmAr: Now what?!

O: You know the Nazim Mustafa Kamal.

aMmAr: Yes..

O: he is a Behari aswell 🙂 [..He uttered those words very proudly]

aMmAr: So?

Shabz: So that includes another great Behari in the long list.

aMmAr: Get over it Obaid. The list is too small in comparison with my great UP (Utter Pradesh) list. [My parents are from UP]

O: Shut the f*** up. I have Laloo Parsaad, Shehker Suman, Manoj Bajpai, The Buddha and George Orwell.

aMmAr: George Orwell was an English man and I am not having this conversation again.

O: go check out wikipedia man he was born in Behar 😛

aMmAr: Screw you and your list. You know who the greatest Behari of all time is.

O: Mrs. Laloo Parsaad ?!

aMmAr: Wrong answer. The correct answer is ‘I don’t give a shit 😛 ‘

As the elections are getting near the city government is trying to strengthen its popularity among the people and by starting new projects all over the city once again. But this time things are getting a little too difficult.

The other day when I was surfing on the internet; all of a sudden a network unplugged sign appeared on my screen. I called my cable guy to enquire what the hell just happened and he told me that the authorities are planning to construct something and they literally chopped of all the poles from the ground. As result the fiber cable (rest in peace) is lying on the road like a poor Iraqi and I am trying to collect it asap.

I called shabz to inquire if he was facing the same problem…

aMmAr: dude they chopped off my cable.

Shabz: Who?

aMmAr: the authority. The whole area is like Afghanistan.

Shabz Dess-ent

aMmAr: No internet man :@ I’ll die

Shabz: Dess-ent

This morning my poor cousins crash into our house, because the authorities chopped their electrical poles off as well and there won’t be any electricity for another day. Remind you they live in a highly secured and comparatively sophisticated area ie ASKARI-IV. Not to forget the bridge that collapsed yesterday. I know the city govt. is trying to make our life decent but in order to make one thing better tearing down the rest of the infrastructure is not understandable. One can only hope that things don’t get any worse in the near future. As in the past we have seen that it rains rite after they drill something up