Archive for September, 2007

28
Sep
07

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25
Sep
07

B-B-B-B-Bad to the bone, Mahmud Ahmedinijad

I am a big fan of bond movies. The bond movies gave the filmi world and the media many things. Bond movies have astonishing sport cars, aesthetically tailored suits, leading ladies with long legs and short dialogues. These materialistic items had such a deep impact on the viewers that achieving them became the criterion for success. Movie makers of that time came up with scripts containing similar characters and we were made to believe that a cleaned shaven and well build guy in the BMW is the good guy and the one with the scar is the bad guy.

We still watch and accept as true the new generation of make believe characters. If we look at this generation of action movies the villain has to be a Muslim. Especially the French and the Bollywood writers make sure to give the bad guy some Muslim background. Maybe all the bad guys in their countries are actually Muslims. In Pakistan they are all Muslims; politicians, robbers, religious fanatics all of them 😛

But I am not discussing movies today. I am speaking about the real life make believe characters. Now for example look at make believe good guy character. Head of a Muslim state, dictator, highly unpopular, US ally. Now how many guys fall in this category; Gen. Pervaiz Musharaf, Husni Mubarak, Saudi Kings, King Abdullah of Jordan. So these people are not villains but good guys. Obviously not heroes 😛 but friends of the hero. Like in Amitabh Bachans 80’s films; there use to be this nice Muslim guy who was not the hero himself but the friend of the hero and who gets killed in the end for being so freaking nice 😛

So who’s the bad guy?

Mahmud Ahmedinijad

Why?

He kind of denies holocaust and want the whole issue to be re-researched.

You cant research on Holocaust?

No

Why?

It is already very well documented. There are Holocaust survivors and scholars who have documented thousands of research material and its enough.

Hmm.. so what he has to say about that?

According to him and I quote, Can you argue that researching a phenomenon is finished, forever done? Can we close the books for good on a historical event?

There are different perspectives that come to light after every research is done. Why should we stop research at all? Why should we stop the progress of science and knowledge?

You shouldn’t ask me why I’m asking questions. You should ask yourselves why you think that that’s questionable. Why do you want to stop the progress of science and research?

Do you ever take what’s known as absolute in physics? We had principles in mathematics that were granted to be absolute in mathematics for over 800 years. But new science has gotten rid of those absolutisms, come forward other different logics of looking at mathematics and sort of turned the way we look at it as a science altogether after 800 years.

So, we must allow researchers, scholars, they investigate into everything, every phenomenon — God, universe, human beings, history and civilization.

What else makes him so bad?

You know the Islamic laws forces the women in Iran to wear a hijab or scarf of some kind. That is limiting their freedom. Women should have some respect and freedom in Islamic governments.

Like they should be free to work at strip clubs like in Europe and America?

Why not?

I have heard that they don’t allow the Muslim girls to wear scarves in French schools?

Yes its against their law.

So you have a problem if the women are forced to follow the laws in Iran but laws in France?

Ahhh…..

What else makes him so evil and rogue?

His Govt. is funding terrorism in Iraq and wants to have total control over the country.

Like the American troops?

No, they just came to help and to get rid of the dictator

The dictator who was once an important ally to US?

He was a good guy back than.

Says who?

The guy who reads the news.

What do you think is his real agenda?

The destructions of Israel and peace from the world, but I tell you the UN and the civilized world will do everything to stop them.

Like destroying them instead?

Why not!

The UNO and your civilized world will stop IRAN like they stopped USA from attacking Iraq and Afghanistan?

Saddam had WMD’s

Oh really?

21
Sep
07

10 more minutes to wait…

I looked at the watch and it showed that there was another hour and a half left in the Iftari. It was my schools friend engagement cum Iftar party and I was sitting in her TV lounge along with some old friends. I needed anything to keep my mind off the food and who else can help me then my good old pal the Television 🙂

 

It was Alim Online that was on GEO TV, some people believe that it’s a religious program but I differ. As customary the host Amir Liaqat  was wearing some visible make up on his face along with some talent less designer shalwar qameez.

 

aMmAr: Is that a see through qameez this sham is wearing?

 

Fahad: Heh. Yeah!

 

aMmAr: Horrible dress mate 😛 with all the golden flowers on the qameez. Even some one like Reema (Pakistani actress) won’t wear something this awful.

 

Fahad: Heh. Yeah!

 

aMmAr: what is that black thing inside that qameez?

 

Danish: Looks like a men’s bra to me. Lolz 😀

 

Fahad: ROFL! Yeah! 😀

 

Zubair: Bra or Bro. Lolz 😀 😀

 

aMmAr: Ok enough! Roza hai yar (we are fasting guys). Change the channel, in fact give me that thing (remote control).

 

I started surfing through the channels. Switching from one Pakistani channel to another, every channel was screening some damn cooking show. I tapped my wrist watch twice but the time was not speeding up at all. Another hour to go and I was starving to death.

 

aMmAr: can we watch some music channel.

 

Danish: No! whats wrong with the cooking shows.

 

aMmAr: I want to take my mind off the food.

 

Zubair: Can’t you control your self?

 

aMmAr: Hmmm.. No

 

Where ever I stopped the channel was showing women dancing. The adds, music vdos, films, soaps, even the T-20 match. Of course there is nothing wrong in that. I mean I don’t have any problem.

 

aMmAr: guys I wonder are the spectators there to watch the dancing ladies or the match.

 

Fahad: Depends, if the spectators are Pakistanis then surely not the match.

 

After an hour came the occasion we all, especially I was waiting for. The iftaaaaaaar!! Man I am hungry or what I told myself.

 

After saying the prayer everyone started eating and drinking the delicious items on the menu. Except me;

 

Sweet Aunty: Beta eat something

 

aMmAr: Yes aunty I will don’t worry.

 

Sweet Aunty: you aren’t even touching the food items. You aren’t shy or are you?

 

aMmAr: Shy!? No way I am just waiting…

 

Sweet Aunty: waiting? For what?

 

By now I noticed most of the guests were wondering the same; why wasn’t I eating anything likes the rest. I decided to come out of the closet and tell them what they might not enjoy listening.

 

aMmAr: Aunty I am Shia. It’s not my time yet 🙂 I have to wait another10 mins or more.

 

As soon as I completed my sentence the whole hall was wrapped into pin drop silence. Some open jaws were lying all over the floor. To be exact every one was looking at me. For those who missed the big news were asking others and making weird noises after learning about the new revelation.

 

Sweet Aunty: No problem beta, but don’t you forget to eat okay.

 

aMmAr: sure thing aunty 🙂

 

I find the whole incident quite funny when I think about it. I don’t know if anyone will find this incident equally interesting but those who can relate to me will and have a bunch of their own interesting iftaar tales to tell.

17
Sep
07

A bad hair day eh?

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Mom: What is that thing?

aMmAr: That thing is Lasith Malinga. He plays for the Srilankan cricket team.

Mom: Ok-ay…but what is that thing on his head?

aMmAr: Well there is a very long story behind that hair duo, but people say that once upon a time he was making pop corns in his kitchen and the next thing you know he is this thing.

Mom: That’s why you should never allow kids near Michele Jackson and pop corn machines.

But jokes apart I am very contented on the Pakistani team win against the ‘Lankans. The Lady luck was on our side this time for a change. Damn we needed something to cheer about. Murders, accidents, terrorist attacks the whole country is mystified and down in the dumps. Maybe cricket will bring some contentment on the faces of the poor inhabitants of the country.

Cricket has always been the connecting factor for us. Pakistanis from unlike sect, political view point, classes join in and cheer for their national team. We are very critical of our team. We are forever ready to crucify our national heroes on their awful performances. But similarly we do identify the talent and position of a particular cricketer and give them their due place as well. We don’t over do it like the Indians, for example they still want Ganguly to lead the team. I mean come on its not 1997, give YUVA (younger) generation some chance. But then It’s not my team so I better keep my jaws shut 😛

Coming back to the T20 World Cup it’s a very long way to go. Pakistan has to play against the Aussies and to defeat them is quite impracticable but hey you never know. Maybe the Ramadan charm might work this time as well.

But technically speaking we definitely need to change our batting order. Misbah should be brought up the order. Kamran should open and Afridi should be given the one down position. I know nobody in South Africa is reading this post but does that ever stopped any one in this region from giving his/her expert opinion? The answer is NO 😛

15
Sep
07

I now pronounce you Ben & Mush

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I know i will sound so Bollywood but here it goes……..

  • Babul Ki Duaaeye leti jaaa……..
  • Shadmaaani ho Shadmaaani ……….

  • Chal deal karey geeeeeeeeeee………….haaanji haaanji 😀

 

14
Sep
07

Hamaaraa kyaa hai….. by Mohsin Naqvi








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hamaaraa kyaa hai ke ham to chiraaG-e-shab kii tarah
 
agar jale bhii to bas itnii raushanii hogii
 
ke jaise tund andhero.n kii raah mein, jugnuu
 
zaraa sii der ko chamake chamak ke kho jaa.yen
 
 
 
phir is ke baad kisii ko na kuchh sujhaa_ii de
 
na shab kaTe na suraaG-e-sahar dikhaa_ii de

 

12
Sep
07

Am I a racist??

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You know you are a racist?

I am a what?

A fucking racist!!

Thank god I thought you just alleged me of being a rapist 😀

That wasn’t funny at all… like your other posts that fall under the category of Humor. There is nothing intellectual about them, you ridicule other races to create humor out of it and it’s not funny. You have no right to say something to a certain community without doing any prior research.


Damn! This came straight from the heart eh? Well for the past many months I have been accused of racism. Some offended readers have been suggestive but the rest were extremely critical. Now why should I care what other people say? I just attacked the race that they belong to; I didn’t attacked anybody’s temples, churches or mosque. There are people out there who attack countries and easily get away with it. The other day some freak blew himself up in public (D.I. KHAN,
Pakistan) and got many innocent killed. Try and get that attacker 😛


Why people even argue on this issue. I think every one and I mean everyone is a racist to a certain extent. Of course majority of us don’t wake up in the morning and promise ourselves that we will abuse the apposite race or hit the first guy we see on the street with our car, that belongs to a different race. But do we let any chance go, when it comes to blame the apposite community or race and making fun of them. For example when we see a Bengali person on the street we look down on them and utter; ‘there goes an illegal immigrant 😛 but many of us wont mind if we are even illegally transported to the US or any other big shot country.


Similarly the people in Sindh blame the people in
Punjab for everything. No electricity; ‘the people in Punjab are taking away our electricity’; somebody tell them you are the one apposing the Kalabagh Dam. Even I use to think that People in Punjab hate us and are ripping us off. But than I realized it’s just the Sharif brothers then and Choudary brothers now. Other than that my confusion was further cleared when I met couple of nice fellas from Lahore and they told me that they just not hate us. Not because we are not worthy of the honor but because they are further racially divided into several cast and races. For example the Gujjers hates the Arais, the Butts complain about the Jutts, than there are Choudries, Niazies, Maliks and the list goes on.


As we move further up on the map we have pissed of Pathaans that just hate the fact that nobody takes them seriously and they are equally intelligent and talented; yeh rite! Lolz 😀 Similarly the Baluachis feel most neglected and ignored. They register their protest by blowing up the gas piplines, a very close friend of mine Soomro from
Quetta revealed a very interesting fact to me that most of the pipelines are blown on Saturday nights. How funny is that? 🙂


So are we the only racist country on the face of the earth? Of course not everyone is racist to some level. We all remember what happened to Miss (all of a sudden famous) Shilpa Shetty in Big Brother. The Britz are still covering up by giving Shilpa some undeserve importance. Even in
India the North Indians have something to say about the south Indians and vice versa. In America the niggers I mean African Americans get offended now and then.

I asked my father who does not believe in racism at all, that why and since when are we like this. He told me that back in the seventies we were not racist at all. The country was not even divided into the fundamentalists and enlightened Pakistanis. In fact there were two types of people that existed ie Bhutto and everyone that hated Bhutto. In other words Bhutto lovers and haters but than came this son of a bitch general by the name Zia ul Haq and hence we are still facing the repercussions.

Racism exists practically in all countries, but in certain places and situations it is especially common. Some of the very common reasons for racism to arise are fear or the need for a “scapegoat”. If things are going badly many people’s natural reaction is to blame somebody else. This is exactly what often causes racism, if the unemployment is rising or the national economy is very weak, many people will look for a scapegoat to blame, and in most cases they will choose the people that they do not know, such as those with a different ethnical or cultural background. As for me; being a racist blogger will not help my popularity level. So I should accept the fact that I am not funny at all and cracking racist jokes won’t increase my readership or the number of hits. I need to add some porn or some NSFW items to serve the purpose.

Chris Rock doing the stuff he do the best, the topic ‘Racism’

 




R O N I N

A web-blog by another wanna be writer who thinks he can write

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