People are getting married this season in Pakistan. For some strange reason people choose to get married in the holiday’s season particularly in December. Why December? Why not the rest of the eleven months, from Jan to November? People don’t divorce each other after looking at the calendar. So why marriage 😛
Hey honey, I ve decided to divorce you on the 7th of October. What do you say?
Hmmm… I dunno, my aunty who lives in San Francisco won’t be able to attend. How about December?
Honky dory! Now let’s make sweet love 🙂
I hate attending marriages. It’s the most over rated occasion to party. Women with horrible sense of fashion get the opportunity to wear deafening make-up, dazzling clothes and perfumes that have a hefty proportion of saturated chloroform. The married men are there to look after the kids. You weren’t expecting Mama to appear like Madhuri Dixit and running after young Pappo with a feeder at the same time or were you? It’s the responsibility of the Man 😛
But no man learns from it. You have seen your uncles, your cousins, then your brothers; you name it. But nobody learns. And after few months of realization they console each other in parties of similar nature. They start by cursing Benazir and Musharraf. Than comes expert scrutiny of the Pakistani cricket team which is followed by;
A:Dude, your loosing hair!
B: Yes, that and loads of green (money).
A: How come?
B: My friend [Sigh!] when a man decides to get married; he gradually looses every good he has. In contrast his wife gains every bad she has, like weight, weight and loads of weight.
A: Which one is your wife by the way?
B: You see that big sack of wet clothes on that table near the water cooler.
B: That thing is my wife.
B: Which one is yours?
A: Can you see that woman in the red dress? Who tried to look like Ashwariya and ended up looking like Abhishek.
B: The one who’s fiercely rubbing that red lipstick on her jaws?
A: Yeah. That’s my better half.
So the question is what is there for single man? Nothing hot or sexy, I still remember how my dad uses to persuade me to attend these weddings.
Me: Dad, I have this crucial test tomorrow. I can’t go to some stupid wedding.
Dad: Son, If you are not going to attend their wedding, nobody will be present in yours.
Me: Dad what are you talking about. I am only 12 years old and probably not going to get married in the coming 12 (years).
Dad: Hmmmm…. There will be plenty of free ice cream.
Me: So, when is the wedding again? :O
Yes free meal, its the biggest attraction. You will have this old friend complaining about your absence and the next thing you know he is somewhere near the food stalls, making the pile of items on his plate. But the highlight of any Pakistani wedding is the movie session; where all who are invited get a chance to have a candid session with the bride and the groom. This session is the longest and most exhausting of all. And the poor groom has to wear this fake smile on his face all the time.
Now when I think about marriage ceremonies a line from ‘A Night at the Roxubury’ comes to my mind, where the priest asks Will Farrell if he wants to take this woman as his bride and he bluntly replies;
‘I dunno, my father already paid the caterers 😛 ’