14
Dec
07

Shaadmani o Shaadmani

People are getting married this season in Pakistan. For some strange reason people choose to get married in the holiday’s season particularly in December. Why December? Why not the rest of the eleven months, from Jan to November? People don’t divorce each other after looking at the calendar. So why marriage😛

  Hey honey, I ve decided to divorce you on the 7th of October. What do you say?

  

 Hmmm… I dunno, my aunty who lives in San Francisco won’t be able to attend. How about December?

  

 Honky dory! Now let’s make sweet love 🙂

   

 I hate attending marriages. It’s the most over rated occasion to party. Women with horrible sense of fashion get the opportunity to wear deafening make-up, dazzling clothes and perfumes that have a hefty proportion of saturated chloroform. The married men are there to look after the kids. You weren’t expecting Mama to appear like Madhuri Dixit and running after young Pappo with a feeder at the same time or were you? It’s the responsibility of the Man 😛 

 But no man learns from it. You have seen your uncles, your cousins, then your brothers; you name it. But nobody learns. And after few months of realization they console each other in parties of similar nature. They start by cursing Benazir and Musharraf. Than comes expert scrutiny of the Pakistani cricket team which is followed by;

   

 A:Dude, your loosing hair!

   

 B: Yes, that and loads of green (money).

   

A: How come?

B: My friend [Sigh!] when a man decides to get married; he gradually looses every good he has. In contrast his wife gains every bad she has, like weight, weight and loads of weight.   

 A: Which one is your wife by the way?  

B: You see that big sack of wet clothes on that table near the water cooler.

  A:Yes.  

B: That thing is my wife.

   

B: Which one is yours?

   

A: Can you see that woman in the red dress? Who tried to look like Ashwariya and ended up looking like Abhishek.

   

B: The one who’s fiercely rubbing that red lipstick on her jaws?

   

A: Yeah. That’s my better half.

So the question is what is there for single man? Nothing hot or sexy, I still remember how my dad uses to persuade me to attend these weddings.

  Me: Dad, I have this crucial test tomorrow. I can’t go to some stupid wedding.

  

 Dad: Son, If you are not going to attend their wedding, nobody will be present in yours.

  

 Me: Dad what are you talking about. I am only 12 years old and probably not going to get married in the coming 12 (years).

  

 Dad: Hmmmm…. There will be plenty of free ice cream.

  

 Me: So, when is the wedding again? :O

  

 Yes free meal, its the biggest attraction. You will have this old friend complaining about your absence and the next thing you know he is somewhere near the food stalls, making the pile of items on his plate. But the highlight of any Pakistani wedding is the movie session; where all who are invited get a chance to have a candid session with the bride and the groom. This session is the longest and most exhausting of all. And the poor groom has to wear this fake smile on his face all the time.

   

 Now when I think about marriage ceremonies a line from ‘A Night at the Roxubury’ comes to my mind, where the priest asks Will Farrell if he wants to take this woman as his bride and he bluntly replies;

  ‘I dunno, my father already paid the caterers😛 ’ 


13 Responses to “Shaadmani o Shaadmani”


  1. December 14, 2007 at 11:16 pm

    Good one Ammar!….I don’t mind getting married but I would like to enjoy this comedy session again and again😀😛 ( Hope my future wife doesn read your blog :-p )

    My wife and I were happy for twenty years…….. Then we met.
    – Rodney Dangerfield
    😛

  2. December 15, 2007 at 4:53 am

    LOL!

    I am sitting in the office right now on an off day waiting for a meeting to start and I have to control my giggles from getting too loud😀

    Very nice take on the wedding season esp the perfume part (they make me dizzy all the time, MUST be chloroform!) but mind you it’s not just females who are vain, half of the men come to sit and ogle at the brighter things in life😛

    btw you forgot to mention the ppl who just stand around in their best clothes doing nothing and trying to look important!!

    God, gotta attend a wedding tonite🙂

  3. December 15, 2007 at 10:33 am

    In Hindus there are auspicious months and dates for getting married.This year in November there were more than 25000 marriages in Delhi alone on certain dates.You can imagine the chaos on the roads to farm Houses and banquet halls,plus on the roads where the Baraat procession moves along with the Bhangra dancing boys and girls.
    //it’s not just females who are vain, half of the men come to sit and ogle at the brighter things in life :P// R. Sameem is absolutely right.

  4. December 15, 2007 at 5:06 pm

    good one!! but u see not only sm women gt fat men gts more ulgy over the time wd a heavy belly less hairs n lots more thn it depend on ur luck and on ur mom’s choice dat a sack or abiekshke becoms ur better half???. we also hav special mths for wedding frm next year dec wnt me weddin season ny more as moharram will be startin.but food is the only attraction for me in weddings:)

  5. December 15, 2007 at 8:44 pm

    @zios

    *Hope my future wife doesn read your blog * cmon man u think too much😛

    @ R.Sameem

    *btw you forgot to mention the ppl who just stand around in their best clothes doing nothing and trying to look important!!*

    I didnt find them interesting or important enuff to mention😉😛

    @prerna
    *the roads where the Baraat procession moves along with the Bhangra dancing boys and girls.*

    this reminds me of a scene from Pyaar ke side effects😉 where Malika runs away with Rahul Bose they were also depicitng weddings in Delhi rite ?

    @beeca

    point well raised but thn il be whining about november n weddings next year.

    thankyou all for your comments🙂

  6. December 16, 2007 at 9:45 am

    but nov wont be a holiday season ppl keep weddings in dec cuz thr is vacations due to christmas and new year so ppl want thr dear relative attend the weddin but in nov ppl frm abroad wnt be able to atten as thy dnt gt vacation frequently but trust me my sis will manage to attend mine in nov🙂

  7. December 17, 2007 at 6:13 pm

    Not the eloping part Ammar🙂

  8. December 17, 2007 at 7:30 pm

    See, marriages during winter are preferable because:
    1. No sweaty foreheads getting wiped off by pallus of expensive saris
    2. People drink less water so cost is lowered, ditto for electricity
    4. In summer holidays, more chances people might show up at your wedding. However November-December kisko samay hai. Esp arranging a marriage right after Diwali holidays, thats a “shubh mahurat” in my opinion🙂
    5. Days are shorter, so ceremonies end earlier
    6. AND that also means the night arrives quickly…hehehe😛

  9. December 18, 2007 at 4:32 am

    somebody has deviced a sound proof plan to get married in winter season eh Priyank😉 ?

    @Prerna

    ofcourse not🙂

  10. December 18, 2007 at 7:34 pm

    @ Priyank

    u mention lot of concessions marrying in December.

    @ Ammar

    For some strange reason people choose to get married in the holiday’s season particularly in December

    Sardi…..sardi…. kuch samjhe???😉

  11. July 25, 2014 at 9:24 am

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    I am hoping to check out the same high-grade blog posts from you later on as
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R O N I N

A web-blog by another wanna be writer who thinks he can write

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